We all have used similar phrases when we are frustrated, angry and in conflict. Such statements make the whole person be 'bad' instead of just one of their action. I am in a class on conflict management and listened yesterday to a Ted Talk by Lambers Fisher on "what to do when you offend someone". One of my big take-away was that conflict and offense is inevitable. We are human beings living in see of other people. Conflict will happen, but how I respond to it can make all the differnce. Fisher, a family and marriage therapist pointed out a few things that I can use in my interactions with people: 1. You can love the person despite disagreements. We are so divided in our country, this is good reminder that I can totally disagree with you and yet still care for you as a person. 2. You can know someone for a long time and still not know everything about them. I want to embrace the journey of learning and recognize that we all change all the time, and what I was thinking yesterday, might not be the same as today. 3. Your words might mean something other than what you are saying. We all have been there, we say something and it is taken totally differently. How many times have I read a text message and wanted to respond in frustration because I interpreted it in a certain way, and yet when I re-read it in a better frame of mind, it all is fine. 4. You are not always the center of the conversation. Sometimes we end up in conversation that are filled with misunderstandings and frustration, I need to learn to step back, learn to listen more than speak, learn to respond not react, learn to hear people and learn to understand where they are coming from.

The next time I want to say "He did what??" I hope I can listen better, ask question to better understand the person and learn to separate an action from the person itself, because I need that grace given to me as well.