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NOO!!!

July 29th, 2024

I have a weekly coffee date with a friend to hold each other accountable. She brings her son and I have seen him grow from a baby to a toddler. Well, he hit the 'terrible twos,' learning his independence, learning he has control, and knowing how he can drive his mom crazy. As an outsider, this 'transformation', was fascinating. He learned to roll his eyes, say NO to just about everything, and use his limited vocabulary to communicate. The sweet boy turned into a little monster .
That made me think about us adults as well. When we discover our independence, when we don't worry about our accountability to God, when we don’t' care about our communities any longer, we have our own temper tantrums.
There is a difference between a tantrum and a boundary. A boundary is for us to feel safe, for us to know who we are, and as Henry Cloud would say "keep the bad out and keep the good in". It is when I say no to watching something that is not good for my soul. It is when I don't participate in something because it is not good for me. A boundary helps me stay healthy and balanced. On the other hand, a tantrum is when I want people to do things my way. It is when I want to be right about politics and want you to adjust to my beliefs. It is when I am offended by something that is in public instead of walking away. It is when I force my opinions on you and get mad if you don't align with my thinking.
We live in a world where people throw temper tantrums instead of valuing their (and others') boundaries. It is when social media is filled with opinions that only lead to more frustration. It is when the Olympics cannot be enjoyed because of people throwing temper tantrums over what is depicted. It is when divorce rates are high because in marriage we are our for ourselves. It is when children get away with behaviors because parents do not want to set boundaries.
I am all for exploring your world, I want a two year old learn to say 'no' not for the sake of the word, but because he is learning his own boundaries. I want adults be able to express their beliefs, but without the tantrum that assumes everyone else needs to believe the same.
I want us to have conversations not fights. And sometimes I wish I could send adults into their room and only come out when their attitude is better.
As for my young friend, his mom is teaching him to discover his own boundaries without violating someone else's. This is hard work and takes persistence, but in the end this young boy is growing up to lead a business, to make a difference in his world, to, maybe become the future president. So, let's make sure we teach our young people through modeling good behavior.

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