50 years ago
I stood in front of a bar in Germany. I still remember my feelings of despair, as I was contemplating suicide. Growing up in a house of trauma and horror, and three years being homeless, brought me to a place where my will to survive diminished and turned into the contemplation of an 'easy' way out. I remember people walking by, looking at me but nobody seeing me. I remember the pain in my heart, the deep anger and sadness that engulfed my soul.
A young man, not much older than my own 16 years, came up and asked me if I knew that God loved me. My answer probably should not be repeated in print, but I remember going to church as a little girl and thinking, "If you all knew what happens behind our closed doors, you would not want us." But, despite my dislike of God and church, I went with him, hoping for some attention, hoping for some food. He took me to a Christian youth group, and what I found was acceptance and love. I learned about a God who really loved me, who looked beyond what my body, mind, and soul experienced and cared deeply for me. God pursued me, the God of the Bible cared enough about this broken young girl to
rescue her from more trauma.
Fifty years ago, I committed my life to following Jesus, to living a life worthy of His grace, His forgiveness, and His redemption, and to share that message with others. I know that for people without a faith background, this may sound strange or even weird, but for me, it meant redemption -a new beginning
-someone who cared enough to step into my life to redeem the broken pieces.
For fifty years, I have been trying to follow Jesus' teaching, to love God and to love my neighbor For fifty years, I have been trying to live out Micah 6:8 to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God. For fifty years, I have failed, made a mess, and received God's forgiveness as He took me by the hand to pick me up and give me a new start. What I do in my life here in Merced is a reflection of God's redemptive power, that He can take an abused person and use that brokenness to help others heal.
Thank you, Merced, for making this our home, and a place of mercy as God continues His healing in me and in people around us.