I am walking!
On Saturday I will be walking with other graduates at Fresno Pacific University (FPU) to receive my master's in Strategic and Organizational Leadership. Not bad for someone who was told they were too
stupid to continue school and was let go after 8th grade. I usually don't brag about my own
accomplishments, but I have to this time! I want to tell my teachers from the past "if you only knew the struggles I faced at home you might have been more gracious with me." I want to tell my mother, "if you had only seen my longing for learning and been more aware of the abuse, you might have stepped up." I want to tell my brother Mike (my abuser) "if you only could see that your crimes on me just made me stronger and more resilient."
On Saturday, I walk, still feeling like an impostor, still struggling to believe that I earned this degree, still doubting my abilities. That is all part of trauma, the constant doubt of worthiness, the never-ending questions of my abilities, the constant fear of not measuring up.
On Saturday, I walk, but I am not walking alone. With me on that journey were people and organizations
who supported that journey, first of all God, whose redemption and restoration took the pain of my past and made something beautiful out of it. My husband, who took over everything in our household, read numerous papers, listened to my frustrations, and supported me when I wanted to give up. The Community Foundation of Merced County gave me a grant to get started; without them, I might not have done it. Some friends have financially helped, some friends were put on the back burner for a bit,
and yet, they supported me. My staff took over some aspects of work so that I can focus on schooling. FPU, the staff, and classmates made this journey so powerful. There were so many on the journey with me. THANK YOU!
On Saturday, I walk, but I don't walk alone.
On Saturday, I walk, and I prove to the world that abuse and trauma are not the end of the story, that we can grow, stand taller, and move forward.
On Saturday, I walk, proving to all the people who struggle with their past that redemption and restoration are possible.
On Saturday, I walk!